you oh you,

why did u appear in my dreams?
and why they have to be two nights in a week?
well,to be accurate and more precise,TWO nights in a ROW!!


why oh why?
you miss me that much isnt't it?

sweet 16 not so sweet sister! :P

030909
to my darling chatterbox sister who never fails to laugh and talk like nobody business, here goes my special birthday wish for you:

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY SILMINA ZAINI :)
SWEET 16 DEAREST!

you know i love you tho i may not show it.haha you're turning a year older. so,please be maturer and smarter and wiser and prettier and sexier ohh and always change for the better,ok!
may Allah always be there to guide you through the right path.ameen :)
i dont have much time to make this post the sweetest birthday post ever from me.i have physiology paper tomorrow kid.still i lend some of my time for u.aint i the most nicest sister in the world? *wuhuuu *:P

so again,happy 16th birthday love! i miss you :)

my lovable mum and adorable sister :)

the tip top toe.

1. Where are you right now?
im on my super nice comfy bed in a green tidy bedroom,egypt.*haha*

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
the tee-off shirt and boxers.yeah

3. What is your current problem?
i get confused with my heart and i have mixed feelings most of the time.*exams mode,no wonder!*

4. What makes you happy most?
the countdown atmosphere is getting hotter.i can't wait to go home.090909.touch down :)
it's less than a month already.the emptiness in me will be filled by their smiles.*be patient dear heart,u will board the plane soon :)*

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
now it is boom boom pow.and ahmad syazrin is on my mind.as usual,i miss ur crazy shuffle steps,bro.

6. Any celeb you would marry?
patrick dempsey as in derek shepherd in grey's anatomy.oh,i seriously have a major crush on him because he's a smart,competent,and romantic NEUROSURGEON.haha ;P

7. Name someone with the same birthday as you?

erm my tkc senior-kak rabia.

8. Ever sang in front of a large audience?
yup.and the last time was during my high school graduation night.the acapella.

9. Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
they said i can be meredith if im so head over heels in love with derek.haha.

10. Do you still watch kiddie movies or kiddie TV shows?
nope.oh i watched ice age ;)

11. Do you speak any languages?
yup2.and egyptian arabic is my obsession.*hoho,this is pure lie!*

12. Has anyone you've been close with passed away?
yup.actually we weren't so close.but i know now how does it feel to lose a friend.

13.Do you ever watch MTV?
obviously.until my dad put parental lock on that channel.*what a waste*

14. What is something that really annoys you?
enormous crowd! and hot weather during summer without any single drop of rain.the clouds are very rare to be seen and im missing the cloudy sky in malaysia.soooo cant wait :)

Chapter 1:
=====================

1.nicknames
1) derq,derk,derek,*oh,and please pronounce the word derq as in deck.i hate it when people say it in a wrong way.*pheww!*
2)nuna-haha.this is for my close friends back in primary school and somebody only.dont u dare call me this if i din give u the permission.

3. Current location
mansoura,egypt.

4. Eye color:
ice black.haha.


Chapter 2:
=====================

1. Do you get along with your parent(s):
yup :).im anak manja both of 'em. =)

2.Are your parents married/separated/divorced:
happily married.23 years of marriage and we are a happy family in facebook and in real life :)


Chapter 3: Favorites
===========================

1. Ice Cream:
choc chips,vanilla and black frost choc if it is in al-khan tho it is damn pricey but it is something worth eating during summer and is so irresistible.

2. Season:
summer and autumn.
summer-because i will go back to malaysia EVERY summer break.haha.this year is gonna be the first one ;P
autumn-because it brings rain.and there's no rain here in egypt for such a long time and i really need it.and the weather during autumn is so nice.it is not so cold and obviously not hot.its the blend between those two.but! autumn can make you feel so lonely and empty inside u wish u are with ur loved ones.*huhu*

3. Shampoo/conditioner:
l'oreal elseve :) :)*its re-nurturing*


Chapter 4: Do You...
===========================

1. Dance in the shower?
no! i think of anatomy a lot whenever im in the shower.seriously. i tend to remember all those muscles and veins and joints which is normally not easy to remember.but shower does help me :P

2. Do you write on your hand?
no!

3. Believe in love?
yes.:)

4.Any bad habits?
nocturnal stillness.i hate being active at night.but the truth is sometimes i can't study during the day.i feel like an owl and my biological clock turns upside down.but yes,little by little i become normal back.:)

6. Any mental health issues?
pessimism and emotional unavailability


Chapter 5: Have You..
.=============================

1. Broken a bone?
no

2. Sprained anything?
no

3. Had physical therapy?
no

4. Gotten stitches?
yup.under my chin.

5.Taken painkillers?
menstrual panadol.*hurghh!*

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling?
not yet.but im looking forward for a trip to hurghada or maybe dahab-wanna go snorkeling with my girlfriends.*red sea rocks!*

7. Been stung by a bee?
no

8.Wished someone was around right now?
yes :) days and nights.

9. Sworn in front of your parents?
haha.i seldom do that.i dont even use bongok or bodoh or any words yg seangkatan dengannye.but 'bangang' i guess is the only word my parents ever heard from me.i am so baik at home :).aha.

10. Had detention?
no


Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
===================================

1. Movie you watched?
histeria.wuhooo.

2. Three people to text you?
walid-how's your exam?
him-a good night message which obviously i wont type it here.haha
huda-she misses me and thanks me for the birthday wish.u take care in utp syg :)

3. Person you called?
erm,who eyh?last one was andry.

5. Person you tackled?
as in mengorat?haha.no one.

6. Person you talked to on YM?
today?no one yet.i dont go online via ym frequently these days.

7. Thing you touched?
my pink + lime green stripy mug which contains drug inside.

8. Thing you ate?
nothing

9. Thing you drank?
coffee.as in nescafe actually.i need something to excite me during exam month and coffee never fails to excite me.

10. Thing you said?
'practical anatomy'-i hate jars.well said.


HOW I END MY SENTENCES
===============================

1. My ex...is nowhere i can reach now. :P

3. I love...you lah kot?! =)

4. People would say that I...am so sweet and caring and everything nice.hahaha.

5. I don't understand...this and that.

6. When I wake up in the morning... i get confused for a few seconds and will slowly recall the dream i had. most of the time i'll only remember half of it but i wont remember the faces.which means those dreams will come true.someday.deja-vu.haha.

7. I lost my... obsession over you.like soooo soooo seriously!

8. Life is full of... surprises and uncertainties.the enormous waves keep on crashing over the stones days and nights,and birds still humming the old rhymes and ammu arruz zabadi is still there thrusting his carriage.and the smell of my escada sexy graffiti that i applied yesterday is still here around my wrist.and i am still the same helpless and hopeless romantic me with confused heart and thoughts.

9. My past ... is for me to cherish and keep all the memories inside my head which is already full and stuck with all these relations and branches of vessels in our body.but still,the memory card for the old memories is still there,untouched.

10. I get annoyed very quickly when... i'm in my pessimism mode and whenever people use their high desible voice around me.i so hate that!!

11. Parties are... shisha-ing and gelak-ing like nobody business.

12. Dogs are... funny,smelly and juicy.euwwww!!

13. Tomorrow is... the day he was born 20 years ago.im so sorry i cant make it to be there with u syg.but i promise,we will celebrate it again when im back.imy as usual :)

saya dan sikap pemalu saya.

saya sangat mahu hantar satu pesanan ringkas kepada seseorang.
tapi saya tension dengan diri sendiri.
im so stupid and dumb because sangat pemalu dan segan nak tambahkan 1 saja mesej dalam inbox dia tu. *grrrr!*

*itu lah saya.seorang yg segan dan pemalu dan entah ape2 lagi.*

saya bengang dengan diri sendiri bila susah nak meng-express apa yang dari satu hati nak sampaikan kepada hati yg lagi satu.*bukan hal2 jiwang dan berkarat ye!*
tapi saya memang begini.dan saya adalah saya.yang selalu sangat pemalu dan saya akan fikir apela persepsi orang itu pada saya nanti.

last2 bila satu ayat sudah ditype,saya backspace dan cancel semua balik.*huargh!*
reason: segan mcm ala ala malu kucing dan takut orang tu cakap kacau je tgh2 malam ni.hayy laa.


kadang kadang saya tension jadi saya yang pemalu ini.*blurp!*

.Allah loves you more than everyone else does.

060809.
i was shocked to read most of my friends' status. i still cant believe what was i reading just now, 'zahi passed away this morning,al-fatihah'.

my batchmate,my housemate,my classmate back in form1 (1K '02), my floormate in block D and a good friend of mine passed away this morning.i have never imagined to lose a friend to death at this age. and i haven't experienced losing someone close to me (i considered my knights0206 as my close friends that i can just tell them everything and turn to them in whatever condition).*my tears are rolling down actually.* i know we were not that close back in tkc, but the thoughts of you make me sad and my heart is deeply saddened by this unexpected news. i lost a friend.a good friend. remember we used to stay up late at night,kicking our asses off during spm? we used to eat Mcd together at the lounge while watching full house with other darlings during weekend? and we used to tease you how funny was your way of sleeping.*with 1 leg lifted on another*i still remember all the good old days with you dear.

our last communication was via facebook. you were so eager to know what to bring and what kind of books to have before coming here this september.oh my, i still cant believe this.


zahi sayang,
may your soul rest in peace and may Allah bless you always.
i will keep on praying for you.
your clap,your jokes,your smile,your sleepy face will always be remembered.
i will never see you again,but you remain close to me at heart.
i'm so glad that our path crossed and Allah rewarded me with a funny, sweet, reliable and a nice thoughtful friend like you.
i will miss you :)

“To lose a friend is always a hard thing, but to lose a friend to death is the hardest thing of all"

my wedding plans :) *tagged by bashy!*

how old are you ?
19 years and 10 months to be exact. :P

are you single ?
erm,i guess im not.

at what age do you think u'll get married ?
25 and above,inshaAllah :)*after my graduation.*

do you think you'll be marrying the person u are with now ?
ohh if he is my jodoh,with God's will and everyone especially my parents agree,it's a yes :)

if not, who do u want to marry ?
realistically, i dont have any celebrity crush or whatever crushes.
oh,no wait! a neurosurgeon like Derek shepherd would be just nice and a dream come true.haha

who will be your bridesmaid or your bestman ?
my besties.they already booked. yaya and sara i guess.

do you want a garden , beach or traditional wedding ?
beach wedding! kan bash. remember,we used to berangan ? haha

where do you plan to go for honeymoon?
i'm not that romantic on the outside but i am with the person i love.so i guess this one i need to plan with my future husband where to spend our lovely honeymoon. haha. euwww :P
but i want somewhere rich with beautiful nature scenery, alps in Switzerland maybe, or beautiful beaches in the Caribbean (like bora bora or a beach in jamaica) or maybe the pinkish sand of bermuda's beaches. haha. so many places in mind :P

how many guest do you think you'll invite ?
erm depends. this one i really dunno. my parents will work on this ;)

will that include ur exes ?
oh,y not? the kekasihs tak jadi are included. friends what? :P

how many layers of cake do you want ?
3 lah kot!

when do you want to get married ? morning or evening ?
morning :) a good way to start the day!<-- agree with u bash :)

name the song/tune you would like to play at your wedding ?
anything soothing and romantic. i cant think of any for the time being.

do you prefer fine dining or just normal fork / spoon / knife ?
depends on the theme and where its held. maybe just normal fork and spoon.

champagne or red wine ?
apple juice ;)

honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding ?
erm maybe days after the wedding. penat what if right away after the wedding.
plus,need to ziarah all our relatives first.haha

money or household item ?
oh both are good :)

how many kids would you like to have ?
2 is perfect :).a boy and a girl.

will you record your honeymoon in CD or DVD ?
yup2.reminiscing the good old days or to show to our grandchildrens later*haha* how sweet and loving their grandparents were.*euwww :P*

i am loved by you

meet my special companion :)

♥ Find arms that will hold you at your weakest,

eyes that will see you at your ugliest
and a heart that will love you at your worst - ♥



i once told you
i have no reason why i am in love with you.
now
i can come up with a nice reason
why i love u and still am.
after going through this 4 wonderful years together
i finally know why.
i love u because u are
PATIENT enough to deal with a cold hearted person like me.
and because of you,
i lowered my ego,
i become more considerate,
i listen to whatever advices you gave me,
eventhough sometimes i pretend that i don't care at all.
but i do listen and think back of all my mistakes.

and i'm so sorry i can't change the way i am,
despite the fact that i talk harshly towards u whenever i'm mad,
u never increase the volume of your voice towards me.
not only that
u cool me down,
u can stand me how moody i am,
how clumsy i walk,
how stupid i act,
how childish i can be.
to know that no matter what i do,
i am loved by you. :)



thanks for being so sabar with my immature acts, childishness, and how ego i am towards u.
thanks a bunch, awk!

side note:ohh the picture was taken when he was sleeping while keeping me company.
thank god webcam ada,i can still snap your picture :P

i feel like crying.

sometimes i wish they don't see me as someone who is always cheerful and carefree as if i have nothing bothering my mind. the truth is when you're with people who have gone through more complicated life experiences, you will be categorized as lucky. sometimes i wish i am not the loyal listener to any problems they are telling me.you know why? because at one time, you will realize, who's going to listen to u whenever you are feeling blue? and i do have some issues. it is just that others are the priority and mine has never been speak up.

please ya Allah give me strength to get through this. now that i almost feel disappointed with my biochemistry paper,i have that 'let it be' feeling.and i'm afraid it will keep on dragging. i must hold on tight. two more papers to go. but i still feel like breaking down tonight.

Maybe crying is a means of cleaning yourself out emotionally.
Or maybe it's your communication of last resort;
the only way to express yourself when words fail
the same as when you were a baby and had no words.
- Aristotle-